GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

November 30, 2001

Remember the affected, and be there for them 1A cell

by Bob Bucklew

Time heals all wounds. At least, that is what we're told. As much as we would all like that to be true, unfortunately it's not.

This fact was reinforced with me recently as I sat down with an older couple—a husband and wife who wanted to talk about their son. They were pleasant and polite, and by appearances they seemed ordinary-her a

little talkative, him more quiet and reserved.

As she began to talk about her son and his death from AIDS, however, her calm demeanor was broken. Her voice trembled as she recounted his last days and his heroic struggle against the disease. She was proud of her son, particularly how he had agreed to participate in experimental treatments that everyone knew would not help him, but just might help others.

Portage County AIDS Day set for Kent church

by Kat Holtz

Kent, Ohio-December 1, 2001 commemorates the fourteenth annual observance of World AIDS Day.

The Portage County AIDS Task Force is. holding a World AIDS Day event on Saturday, December 1. The evening will begin at 6 pm at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Kent at 228 Gougler Ave., Kent.

Local performers will include the choir from the New Mount Calvary Baptist Church of Ravenna, Joni Christian, Tom Beck and the Celtic Clan. We will also present information on hate crimes. Refreshments and door prizes will be provided. The event is free and open to everyone. Townhall II and the Akron Area Ryan White Consortium provided support for this program.

A discussion about hate crimes will be included in the Portage County World AIDS Day event. The tragedies of September 11 have raised in our consciousness the prob-

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lems associated with making judgements about all kinds of people. Hate crime may be aimed at people because of their racial or ethnic origin, sex, sexual orientation, HIV status or religion. No matter who is targeted, the cause is lack of knowledge and education. Through sharing ideas and music, we can help to create an environment that is safe and compassionate for all people.

World AIDS Day hopes to increase understanding of the global magnitude of HIV and AIDS, the millions of people worldwide who are affected by the disease, and how the epidemic continues to be a problem despite new hope in treatment. The day will be observed in 191 countries around the world, to draw attention to the AIDS epidemic. They are working in conjunction with the United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS.

Kat Holtz is an HIV/AIDS prevention specialist with Townhall II, and can be reached at 330-678-3006.

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She talked of his last day alive. I looked at her husband and saw the tears and pain in his eyes. Their son had died over ten years ago. For this couple, the death of their son is a wound that will not go away.

A young man whose partner recently died of AIDS-related causes expressed his frustration and anger to me at how people have been dealing with his loss. His many friends didn't know how to respond to his loss. so they did what many of us do-they resorted to clichés.

Within a week of his partner's funeral. he was told to "move on with his life." "to not dwell in the past," and yes, "time heals all wounds." He has been told all about the "stages of the grief process" and "closure." Rather than comfort, these words more often confused him. How long should he grieve? When should he achieve the miraculous "closure" and all the pain be gone? Was he feeling the right things?

We call them "people affected by HIV AIDS"-those whose loss begins on the day that their loved ones tells them that he or she is infected and whose loss remains even after their loved one dies. Of course life continues—the pain does lessen on a daily basis. But the pain never goes completely away. In Cuyahoga County over 1,500 people have died of AIDS. Multiply this by the number of people who loved them as a son, daughter.

mother, father sister, brother, aunt, uncle cousin, wife, husband, partner, or friend, and the scope of this disease on our community becomes clearer.

This World AIDS Day, we will remember and honor and, yes, still grieve, for those who have died. Many of us will also rededicate ourselves to the battle against AIDS in their name. But we must also remember those lives that have been inalterably and tragically changed by this disease through the loss of loved ones.

It is not always easy to be around someone who is grieving. We can become inpatient with their emotions and try to give them helpful hints on how to lessen their pain, or we can run away when it becomes too uncomfortable.

What they often need is for someone to simply listen to their story and to be with them in their pain and their confusionsomeone who is willing to feel along with them. It's not always about moving on and healing wounds.

In Cuyahoga County. there are thousands of people who have been affected by AIDS. Let us be courageous enough to be there for them and with them.

Bob Bucklew is the director of health and wellness Lesbian/Gay Community Service Center of Greater Cleveland

Living with HIV can be harder for transgender people

by Chris Coleman

Stephanie Gray initiates one-on-one safer sex discussions with other transgender people for the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland. She is native Clevelander and attended Lincoln West. Tri-C. and a private cosmetology school. She is also HIV positive, educating others in a community that is often overlooked or ignored altogether. a community at significant HIV risk.

Gray sat down to record her story and give a reminder that HIV affects the GLBT community in all its diversity, urging the community to respond with the same diversity of programs and services, so that the needs of all are met.

Chris Coleman: What are some of the difficulties you've experienced as a result of being both African American and trans-

gender?

Stephanie Gray: There is always a stigma of not being seen as. well, mentally sound. That's still hard for people to see as a sane thing. this idea that I would "choose to live as a woman. People don't really think of transgender people as being productive members of society-they don't see me as contributing to my community.

In the African American community, it's hard dealing with the whole "machismo" factor, especially when growing up. The images society puts out there—they're not

me.

What are some of the difficulties you've encountered as a result of being transgender and HIV positive?

Well, you have to start with the fact that as a youth, there were no services at all for transgender kids when I was growing up. There was nothing, really. You had to make your own way, find other people. and figure out the pieces as you went along.

This had always been true in relation to the medical community. There weren't many, doctors out there—there still aren't-who understood transgender people. who could deal with our medical issues. So when AIDS came along which was something that at the beginning a lot of doctors also didn't want to deal with-that made it even worse. And there were no support groups. nothing like that.

For a lot of transgender people, at least ✨✨ historically, we didn't "fit" anywhere: not in the straight community, not in the gay community. So not having a plecate go when you

were HIV positive and transgender made it even harder.

It's also hard dealing with the issue of disclosure. telling people I have HIV. People have said it about coming out as gay, that you don't just say it once. you have to keep coming out, over and over again to different people. your whole life. Having HIV is the same way. You never know how people are going to handle it.

What would you hope to see changes, programs, services-for individuals who are transgender and dealing with the issues of HIV and AIDS?

I'd love to see some kind of buddy system for those younger transgender girls who are newly diagnosed. People need to know that there are others out there; people who will be there for you, who can help you get through all the barriers.

I'd love to see some kind of buddy system for those younger transgender girls who are newly diagnosed.

Education is important, and education from peers works best. The girls are going to hear it better from girls they know and trust, who can give them condoms and information, and support them while they try to stay safe and healthy.

I'd also like to go beyond just the facts about HIV and safer sex. Have someone from the transgender community bring together knowledge and experience from the health care and social work systems, and give that information to the younger girls in a way that they could relate to. It can't be just about AIDS. though that's the thing that we have to focus on most because of how it's hurting the community. It has to about how to live: live healthy and proud and free to be who we are.

For more information on transgender outreach programs at the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland, contact Chris Coleman, Brother2Brother capacity building educator, ut 216-621-0766:

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